Forum Topic

The Age of Loneliness

Watched this on i-player last night.  Interesting film - I can't quite say lovely because I don't think that sums up loneliness.  There are some wonderful and inspirational characters here who I would like to see again.  I know only too well about a lot of the problems that the elderly have and how little and easily solved difficulties can appear to make big problems in getting out and about etc but I was a little surprised about the younger people. However when you consider how far we travel nowadays away from home and away to work and study and how many people now don't have a home to retreat back to I suppose it's not that surprising that when anything goes wrong things can spiral downwards and out of control.   

Philippa Bond ● 3891d23 Comments

I got the first communication from The Big Lunch about this year's street parties: JUNE 12th by the way.And they feature the Age of Loneliness as a must watch to which they provide a link.Was well impressed.

Sara Nathan ● 3873d

You and Yours on Care Home fees:http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06ycmdb

Philippa Bond ● 3877d

BBC You an Yours had a phone in about the costs of care homes the other day.  Since they are so expensive many people will be hanging on to their independence for as long as possible - not just because they don't want to be burdened by the cost but also because many people would prefer to hang on to that independence.  We need to be supporting them so that they can get out and about to their appointments and to see their friends for as long as they can.  There doesn't appear to be enough of the right sort of accommodation with facilities for people to meet each other.  Not enough flexibility.

Philippa Bond ● 3877d

Nina, it can't be easy but there are ways to get around a lot of challenges.  You just have to find them.

Philippa Bond ● 3877d

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/search?q=age%20of%20lonelinessStill on i-player with a Victoria Derbyshire programme with something on loneliness in the elderly also.

Philippa Bond ● 3883d

Everyone Active has several classes targeted at the older member - though "Older" is an unflattering/unrealistic 50+ which I think nonsensical. But they have Aqua, also forever for twice a week, active circuits once, Zumba gold - which is quite hard work - and supervised gym sessions - though I've never come across anyone who has been to one.I think they should have a targeted daily class but I don't think it's likely.

Sara Nathan ● 3884d

I think that sheltered housing with the extra accommodation available for visitors like that works very well.  A cousin in Oxford lived in one with extra rooms for entertaining and also activities like a exercise class.It is good to be able to stay in the same place once you have downsized so that you aren't forever moving away from friends that you have made when more active.  The world can suddenly shrink when you can't get about easily. Exercise classes for the less young sound and look like a great idea - especially if there is also somewhere to sit and chat and/or have a cup of coffee and snack afterwards.

Philippa Bond ● 3884d

Good sheltered housing places have guest rooms at very reasonable rates...my uncle and aunt stayed in the Bryant Court one in October and it was voted a hit. the charge is nominal and it's in the same building. Just needs booking.

Sara Nathan ● 3886d

Much less space is good if you have family living nearby.  If they don't it can make it very difficult for family to visit if you downsize to something too small for them to be able to stay.

Philippa Bond ● 3886d

There is a real difference between a care home and sheltered housing. And there are some good places - none round here that I know of - where you can move from one to the other as your needs increase.At Bryant Court - near Acton Park - there are people who are still working, people who go out all the time, people who drive all over, all the way to those who have almost full-time care and you never see.But at least there are options, and it's near transport and local facilities. Mum isn't the only one there who comes to the fitness classes.

Sara Nathan ● 3889d

It is interesting that some people seem to be able to use care homes as lodgings or a hotel and carry on with a very independent way of life going out to play bridge and staying away for weekends (while they are well) and with others the care home won't let you speak to them or even give them a message that you phoned (they already have the number to phone back) and you get the inane Data Protection Act excuse quoted at you.

Philippa Bond ● 3889d

Sheltered housing is actually cheaper than the open market - I reckon Bryant Court is about £100,000 less for comparable space than a two-bedroom flat in Acton. presunably because it is restricted to the over whatevers.So if you already own somewhere, its a good answer. Doesn't help those renting though.

Sara Nathan ● 3890d

It was great to see that lady of 100 going to the exercise class and enjoying herself.  Such a difference from what I keep seeing (or hearing) of "How old do you think I am" and every excuse to not do things/go to places. Her children may of course be miles away. Skype is a good way to keep in contact with friends and relations miles away.

Philippa Bond ● 3890d

Must slow down and try to proof read.  I meant to type "flats attached to a care home".

Philippa Bond ● 3890d

Maire Lowe asked the question months ago about what sort of buildings you wanted in Acton. Perhaps more sheltered housing?  I've seen flats attached to a are home recently and those seem like a good way of being able to increase your care should you need to.  That was expensive but it shouldn't all have to be.  People don't necessarily want to move miles away from their home and friends and yet families are often spread all over the country (or countries).

Philippa Bond ● 3890d

Of course some don't have children - for many reasons - but what struck me was that those in the film who did - and several of them too - didn't seem to have much contact.I recommend "forever Fit" classes at the gym for combating some loneliness. Just off there now with mum!

Sara Nathan ● 3890d

I saw the programme and thought it was very well done. My parents moved from their 3 bed house with garden - which was all getting too much for them, to a one bed flat in a semi sheltered retirement flat some 5 years ago. It was the best move they ever made - there are social activities if they want, or they can be completely private. There is always help on hand if needed. The problem is these places are very expensive and so not affordable for most.

Chris Hurley ● 3890d

I think that one problem is that people put off moving to somewhere more appropriate until it's too late. Moving is always stressful but when you start to decline you need to bite the bullet and make arrangements for sheltered housing, a retirement village or, if needs must, a care home.

Susan Kelly ● 3890d

Speaking as one of 'the older', some of us do not have children, and, as one gets older, friends  have a nasty habit of dying off.  Unfortunately, this is something that happens to lots of us, and as health and mobility pack up it gets even worse. Probably no answer to it.

Nina Battleday ● 3890d

You can be lonely a any age living in London, The City is so large you can have friends living in different parts but rarely see them as the have busy lives etc.

Tony Crumpton ● 3890d

And she had loads of children, grandchldren and great-grandchild/ren. Where were they?

Sara Nathan ● 3890d

I couldn't help thinking that the 100-year-old woman who was being cared for at home, by carers, might have been happier in a care home, where there would be company all day.

Susan Kelly ● 3891d

I thought it interesting in that it wasn't just about the loneliness of the old and widowed, but a huge range.As ever, Sue Bourne finds a wide of variety of people and gets them to speak compellingly.When it came to the older though, I did keep asking "where are their grown-up children?"Three cheers for Contact the Elderly and Silverline though...

Sara Nathan ● 3891d