I think the same man was on LBC yesterday too. Then, following his interview, which was brash and loud, a young man/boy who had gotten into trouble in his youth gave a very moving account of how he did so. I actually cried when I heard his story and it's one that I've heard so many times before with clients and actually seen for myself in my own youth growing up on a poor Council estate.He said his dad was violent and often absent and when dad was at home he stopped his mum from showing him love. He grow up confused and angry and not able to receive the love of his mother when she finally dared give it. She was a good woman he said. He also said he was vulnerable to older boys who led him astray, as he was looking for a male role model, someone to guide him. He doesn't blame his mum, who tried her best, but does say it was the violence and absent father as being the cause and fault. It was a very moving account of someone who'd been a victim of a neglected and abusive childhood (I hear so many of these in my therapy work) and he had managed to get himself out of this (although at this point I had to dash off to collect my daughter, so lost the end of it unfortunately.) What came across quite clearly though was that he wasn't blaming society, wasn't blaming anyone but the home he was brought up in and it was very clear that he was no longer that victim, but had choice.It isn't poverty that is the root cause, nor the cut backs, nor Blackberrys or iPhones (although social media makes it easier to organise riots of course but that's a double edged sword). It's not the rich or the educated who are to blame. It's the poisonous child rearing, that gets repeated over and over, handed down like a heirloom from generation to generation. This kind of abuse doesn't just happen in less affluent homes, abuse like that can happen anywhere. However, it often gets repeated, this cycle, in homes of the less educated or affluent. It's homes where codependency exists, where drugs and alcohol are abused, where there are no appropraite role models, absent fathers, violence, no-one working to earn a living. The people around them - friends, family, the estate - reflect back what they know and the cycle goes on. The government (Labour in the main) made their malaise easier for them not to escape from by casting them as victims and fuelling their lifestlyle with the benefits system. Along with the softly softly approach we all now take to ensure no-one in our society is offended by what we say or do or likely to cry "I'm a victim, you're the abuser" if we do. Along with the Police who seem to have been stripped of any force to enforce the laws of the land. Ditto the courts. Teachers are too scared to demand their pupils listen and obey, it goes on and on. We've become too liberal and those of us who aren't are too scared not to be. I've always believed a child, no matter who the parents are, are "ours". They are children of the world, they don't belong to one single parent and if we see them being neglected, abused, maltreated, we have a moral duty to step in, each and every one of us, but we don't. We're too scared, 'none of our business'. But, it is our business. We should be busy-bodies, poking our noses into the affairs of our neighbours where children are concerned. It's time we all took that responsibility. I've done it but it takes courage. If we all did that the world would be a better place. Next time you see a child not at school, clearly hopping the wag, or a mother or father beat a child or swear at them, or calling them names "you stupid, idiot child, just like your father" for example, or if you know that a parent is drunk most of the time, or out leaving the children at home when the kids aren't even 16 and not old enough to look after themselves, what are you going to do? Have a word with the parent? Report it? Probably not, but if we all did poke our noses into such matters, we would change this poisonous childrearing. Somehow this awful cycle of child neglect has to be broken. That's how it starts and ends. I'm just getting off my soapbox now. Night.
Angela White ● 5515d